Undying Love

Tie the knot properly and make a memorable wedding. As you embark upon a love that lasts a lifetime, do it right. This is the biggest day of your life and not to be taken lightly.

You want to lay a strong foundation in your marriage. The bride has been imagineering this day all of her life and will also be remembering for the rest of her life. Therefore grooms should do themselves a favor and make the necessary investment to ensure a lifetime of happiness. Though it may seem to men a bit ridiculous and futile at times to get all worried about an event that will last a few hours, it is very important to the bride to have her day as a princess.

It never ceases to amaze me how couples will spend up to $1,000 on flowers for a wedding and not give much thought about the wedding minister who presides over the entire ceremony. It is a known fact that most church services and wedding ceremonies are terribly boring and unoriginal. It is a tragedy considering the sizeable investment.

I guess it doesn’t occur to most couples that they don’t have to be married in a church or use a stale, stoic priest to preside over their ceremony. Excessive tradition makes a wedding rigid and frigid. A wedding is to be a time for celebration and inspiration.

Hire a minister who is a skilled orator who can connect with and speak to hearts. Anybody can direct traffic from the platform, but only a minister inspired by God can speak elegantly, graciously, and wisely.

The more personal, the more powerful. Choose someone to officiate your wedding who is personal, creative, and fun.

Paul Davis is a wedding minister who officiates marriage ceremonies and vow renewals. Paul has been in ministry for over 15 years, blessing people around the world. He has traveled to over 50 countries and 6 continents having a worldwide impact.

As a relational coach, Paul’s compassion for people and passion for transformation makes him very successful. His depth, understanding, experiential wisdom, and disarming sense of humor makes Paul a personal favorite of many couples. Highly celebrated and sought after, Paul has authored several books including Breakthrough for a Broken Heart and Are You Ready for True Love?

Paul’s organization Dream-Maker Ministries is making a difference throughout the world building dreams, breaking limitations, and reviving nations. Paul’s interpersonal and unprecedented experience engineering breakthroughs for individuals and organizations is revolutionary.

Contact Paul to officiate your wedding and more!
mailto:RevivingNations@yahoo.com RevivingNations@yahoo.com
407-284-1705; 407-967-7553

itietheknot.com itietheknot.com
CreativeCommunications.TV CreativeCommunications.TV

Of course it does. If you are anything like me then your g-string bikini definitely stinks like fish. But not to worry as this article is all about how to get rid of that stinky fishy smell.

If you spend anytime at all swimming in the ocean then you know exactly what I am talking about. Imagine yourself swimming in the ocean in your bikini. Now stick your head under water and open your eyes. What do you see? You see fish.

That is why the ocean can stink like fish. When I wear my tiny g-string bikini swimming it inevitably ends up smelling like the ocean. And the ocean smells like fish. That is why I never drink the tap water at the beach.

Now once you get home from the beach strip that tiny g-string bikini right off of your body immediately. What I like to do is hand wash my bikini in a mild soap and then rinse it well with fresh water before I actually throw my bikini in the washing machine.
Once I do put my bikini in the washing machine I like to add a good dose of Downy fabric softener to the rinse cycle. Then I hang it outside to dry overnight. Never put your bikini in the dryer as the dryer tends to ruin delicate clothing.

In the morning my tiny g-string bikini smells just the way I like to smell - nice and fresh. And there is no longer any stinky fishy smell.

There are many other methods of cleaning your g-string bikini such as using a mesh bag but there are also some no-no’s that you should know about. Never use bleach, never iron and never dry clean your bikini if you want your bikini to last for any length of time.

Now that you know how to get rid of that stinky fishy smell you can enjoy your tiny g-string bikini and the beach a lot more. And there is nothing I like better than bouncing and jiggling around on the beach. But remember, abstain from drinking the tap water.

(c) All rights reserved

Join me and my friends at mytinystringbikini.com/ My Tiny String Bikini where every day is a bikini beach party!

If you are lucky enough to have a drive-in near your hometown you should definitely consider going there on your next date. At one time, the drive-in was the place to be. They were just as popular as movie theaters, and offered a much more relaxed and personal atmosphere.

A traditional movie theater usually charges about $8 per person for admittance; and that is for one movie. A drive-in theater charges about $5 per person for admittance, and most of them show more than one movie per night. So not only are you saving money, you are also getting to see more than one movie.

The only problem with this is that drive-in theaters are a dying breed. There are only a few available in each state, if that. The majority of them have shut down over the years because they could not keep up with the mega theaters that are blossoming all over the country. Boy I miss the good old days.

The drive-in has always been one of the most popular places to take a date. They offer a great level of fun and convenience for a low cost. Search your local phone book to find out if there is one in your area.

Read our other camsfaq.com dating article advice for men.

Birthstones are a common category of gemstone known to most people. Today these stones are used to represent the birth month of individuals and there is a certain stone designated for each month of the year. Some may think that birthstones are a relatively new phenomenon but this is not the case. Birthstones have been around for thousands of years and their history is quite fascinating to all types of jewelry lovers as well as why these gemstones make great gifts.

Intriguing History of the Birthstone

The first known significance of the birthstone was back in the times of the Bible when a High priest known as Aaron was ordered by God to construct a breastplate with 12 gems embedded within it. Many historians have linked this initial 12 gemstone occurrence with today’s birthstones. During the 8th and 9th centuries, gemstones of this type were also connected to the 12 apostles. Throughout the years since then, the 12 stones were related to birth months, zodiac signs and even alluded to have magical significance. It wasn’t until 1912 when a proper list was constructed by the Jewelers of America organization to state which month featured what type of stone. This list is the one currently used today to identify the particular stones.

Why These Gemstones Make Great Gifts

There are so many reasons why choosing a piece of jewelry with a birthstone in it is the perfect gift to give. The first reason deals with the significance behind a stone of this type. Making a gift selection of this kind of gem shows the recipient that the one giving the gift appreciates the significance of the stone and wants to provide the lucky individual with something special. Birthstones are gems which really stand for something and one can wear their new piece of jewelry with pleasure.

Another reason why these gemstones make such great gifts is that one will often have other pieces of jewelry with their birthstone in it. Therefore, when the individual wears multiple pieces of jewelry, they will most likely have gems on which coordinate with one another. Since many people own one type of birthstone jewelry or another, they are more than likely to have jewels in their collection to match their new item.

Different Shades and Qualities

Just like with any other type of gemstone, birthstones come in a wide array of shades and qualities. On the one hand, individuals are able to buy birthstones which are of the highest quality whereas on the other there are also stones available which are inexpensive due to their average quality characteristics. One may also find that the birthstones vary when it comes to the color of the stone. Certain gems will be light in color whereas others will take on a deeper shade overall. The best way to determine which birthstone is of the best quality is to do some independent research, have the gem appraised and inquire with the seller of the stone as to the value of the gem.

James Greene is a Graduate Gemologist and Master Gemologist Appraiser. James has been in the diamondmarketwatch.com/ Diamond, jewelry, and appraisal business for over 25 years and specializes in diamondmarketwatch.com/
Diamond Engagement Rings and diamondmarketwatch.com/
Loose Diamonds.

When planning your event you should go with the most qualified individual or company to produce the results your looking for, it’s as simple as that. In this illustration we list the skills we feel should be of high importance to you to achieve those results.

1) You need someone who will deliver the reception you want. Someone who will be able to pick the correct music, setup those personalized moments and realize the difference between customization and personalization.

2) Some one who has the experience and knowledge to provide ideas and advice during the planning process in all areas from the pacing of the day to creative ideas for entertaining.

3) You need a team player who is comfortable being the “Director of Entertainment”. Caterers can’t do it, they are too busy making sure the food service is good. Banquet Managers can’t do it because they are typically concerned with their checklists and the success of the event from the halls perspective. Photographers can’t do it since they are too busy trying to capture all the moments. This duty squarely falls on your DJ and its important to find one that can handle the responsibility.

4) You need an eloquent spokesperson. Someone who will represent you confidently and professionally because ultimately his or her actions will be a reflection on you.

5) They need the skills not just the tools. Putting it all together, building anticipation and creating a mood is a skill and not everyone can do it.

6) You need great sounding music from professional grade equipment.

7) Above all else you need a reliable businessperson with the right attitude so you will have piece of mind that the event will happen the way you want it to and be able to enjoy as much of your event as possible.

Written by Ron Carpenito, DJ and Owner of weddingmusicusa.com WeddingMusicUSA.com - a nationwide directory of weddingmusicusa.com/dj_disc_jockey.asp Wedding DJs, weddingmusicusa.com/wedding_bands.asp Live Bands, Classical Ensembles, and Soloists/Vocalists.

Online dating may be scary and a bit unnerving at first, but there are a lot of benefits and perks that LDS members can gain from using an LDS dating website. From finding a bigger pool of those you can date, to making friends, to finding old mission companions, the possibilities are endless. So if you’re skittish about getting on the online dating train here are a few of the benefits to help make the idea of dating online not so daunting and maybe even a little fun.

Location, Location, Location. This seems to be the catch phrase for everything, including dating. Many LDS members live in areas that have very few single members of the church. Not every town has a YSA or singles ward and even more discouraging to the single LDS church member is that you may be one of very few in your town. LDS dating websites can help your problem. You can find thousands of single LDS members with the same basic values and beliefs on these websites.

Online dating can be useful if you are discouraged with the selection in your ward. Why limit yourself to just your ward or stake? If you’ve taken every effort to get to know those in your circle of influence (or even if you haven’t), then LDS websites may be the ticket to get you motivated again and date those you might be interested in.

Needless to say, LDS dating websites have multiplied in the last few years and there are numerous sites to choose from. There are thousands of single LDS members on these sites with many different qualities, backgrounds, traits and interests. It’s not hard to find that special someone who may pique your interest with so many eligible dates to choose from.

One of the best advantages of online dating is the ability to “screen” before you meet someone. Browsing through profiles and being able to find out a little about potential dates makes the “weeding out” process a bit more manageable and time and effort efficient. And let’s be honest, a picture for a potential blind date is always useful, even if more times than not, the person may look nothing like their pictures. At least you can get somewhat of an idea of what you are getting yourself into.

If you just happen to be one of those self-proclaimed “shy” people, online dating can be a huge benefit for you. No initial face to face communication, which as you may already know (since you are “shy”), can be the scariest of endeavors. Emailing a person you may have an interest in is much, much easier than trying to think of something amazing to say when they are standing only a foot away from you and you are looking into their dangerously alluring eyes.

If you are new to an area, meeting friends can be hard and sometimes discouraging. No one likes to be lonely and LDS dating websites can be a great cure for homesickness. Not only can you meet people to date, but it’s a great way to make friends in your new town or even across the globe.

LDS singles websites don’t have to be used just for dating. If you want to find an old roommate or mission companion, these sites can be extremely helpful finding those you’ve lost contact with.

LDS Hearts provides a safe, non-threatening, and fun environment for LDS singles around the world to meet online. More than 20,000 members have joined LDS Hearts, and many of them have found friendship, romance, and even marriage. To learn more about online dating, LDS singles, and/or LDS Hearts, please visit ldshearts.com LDS Singles.

If we’ve been hurt in love, it is easy to say, “I’m not going to let that happen again.” We close off our heart, building a wall around it so no one can get close. The pain is too great. We don’t want to feel like that ever again. We do whatever we can so that feeling won’t be repeated.

Twelve years ago I took a 9-day intense personal growth seminar. After a week of deep work we did an exercise that sounds particularly cruel. It certainly felt that way at the time yet it caused a breakthrough for me, but I would never recommend it.

The exercise was done within our group of 15 people who had been working together and sharing ourselves deeply all week. We were to choose the three people we felt least connected to and tell them so. This was excruciating for me to tell someone else this, but it was more so because half the group told me I was one of the three. I was so devastated I cried uncontrollably for a long time. In fact, it was so painful I get tears thinking about it now twelve years later.

The breakthrough for me though, was to look at why I was causing such a disconnect with so many people. I always thought I got along well with most people so this feedback was like a bucket of ice water on my head.

After much soul searching, I saw there were many reasons I was off-putting to others. But one that hit hard was that I’d built a thick wall around my heart, thinking that if no one got close they couldn’t hurt me. Of course, all it really did was keep others — even people I loved — at arms length.

I visualized myself kicking through the wall to expose my heart once again. After more work, I began to connect with those around me.

In A Return to Love, Marianne Willliamson says:

Our barriers to love are rarely consciously chosen. They are our efforts to protect the places where the heart is bruised. Somewhere, sometime, we felt as though an open heart caused us pain or humiliation. We loved with the openness of a child, and someone didn’t care, or laughed, or even punished us for the effort. In a quick moment, perhaps a fraction of a second, we made a decision to protect ourselves from ever feeling that pain again. We would never again allow ourselves to be so vulnerable. We built emotional defenses. We tried to build a fortress across our heart, to protect us from any cold assault. The only problem is, according to the Course [in Miracles], that we create what we defend against.

Have you built a fortress around your heart so it is hard for love to get in? By breaking down the wall it means your heart is vulnerable, but without being open you can never fully love. Having your heart bruised is the risk you have to take to experience love. Are you willing?

R.L. Morgan, “The Dating Goddess,” brings you her experience from the front line of dating after 40 — having dated 73 men in 2 years after her 20-year marriage broke up. Read her insights and lessons to help you date more effectively. She’s a bestselling author, Oprah guest, and speaker. Read all of the Dating Goddess’s wisdom at Adventures in Dating After 40, DatingGoddess.com DatingGoddess.com .

©2006-07 RL Morgan, All rights reserved.

What are friends for and how can a friendship be tested? By behaving altruistically, would be the most common answer and by sacrificing one’s interests in favour of one’s friends. Friendship implies the converse of egoism, both psychologically and ethically. But then we say that the dog is “man’s best friend”. After all, it is characterized by unconditional love, by unselfish behaviour, by sacrifice, when necessary. Isn’t this the epitome of friendship? Apparently not. On the one hand, the dog’s friendship seems to be unaffected by long term calculations of personal benefit. But that is not to say that it is not affected by calculations of a short-term nature. The owner, after all, looks after the dog and is the source of its subsistence and security. People – and dogs – have been known to have sacrificed their lives for less. The dog is selfish – it clings and protects what it regards to be its territory and its property (including – and especially so - the owner). Thus, the first condition, seemingly not satisfied by canine attachment is that it be reasonably unselfish.

There are, however, more important conditions:

For a real friendship to exist – at least one of the friends must be a conscious and intelligent entity, possessed of mental states. It can be an individual, or a collective of individuals, but in both cases this requirement will similarly apply.

There must be a minimal level of identical mental states between the terms of the equation of friendship. A human being cannot be friends with a tree (at least not in the fullest sense of the word).

The behaviour must not be deterministic, lest it be interpreted as instinct driven. A conscious choice must be involved. This is a very surprising conclusion: the more “reliable”, the more “predictable” – the less appreciated. Someone who reacts identically to similar situations, without dedicating a first, let alone a second thought to it – his acts would be depreciated as “automatic responses″.

For a pattern of behaviour to be described as “friendship”, these four conditions must be met: diminished egoism, conscious and intelligent agents, identical mental states (allowing for the communication of the friendship) and non-deterministic behaviour, the result of constant decision making.

A friendship can be – and often is – tested in view of these criteria. There is a paradox underlying the very notion of testing a friendship. A real friend would never test his friend’s commitment and allegiance. Anyone who puts his friend to a test (deliberately) would hardly qualify as a friend himself. But circumstances can put ALL the members of a friendship, all the individuals (two or more) in the “collective″ to a test of friendship. Financial hardship encountered by someone would surely oblige his friends to assist him – even if he himself did not take the initiative and explicitly asked them to do so. It is life that tests the resilience and strength and depth of true friendships – not the friends themselves.

In all the discussions of egoism versus altruism – confusion between self-interest and self-welfare prevails. A person may be urged on to act by his self-interest, which might be detrimental to his (long-term) self-welfare. Some behaviours and actions can satisfy short-term desires, urges, wishes (in short: self-interest) – and yet be self- destructive or otherwise adversely effect the individual’s future welfare. (Psychological) Egoism should, therefore, be re-defined as the active pursuit of self- welfare, not of self-interest. Only when the person caters, in a balanced manner, to both his present (self-interest) and his future (self-welfare) interests – can we call him an egoist. Otherwise, if he caters only to his immediate self-interest, seeks to fulfil his desires and disregards the future costs of his behaviour – he is an animal, not an egoist.

Joseph Butler separated the main (motivating) desire from the desire that is self- interest. The latter cannot exist without the former. A person is hungry and this is his desire. His self-interest is, therefore, to eat. But the hunger is directed at eating – not at fulfilling self-interests. Thus, hunger generates self-interest (to eat) but its object is eating. Self-interest is a second order desire that aims to satisfy first order desires (which can also motivate us directly).

This subtle distinction can be applied to disinterested behaviours, acts, which seem to lack a clear self-interest or even a first order desire. Consider why do people contribute to humanitarian causes? There is no self-interest here, even if we account for the global picture (with every possible future event in the life of the contributor). No rich American is likely to find himself starving in Somalia, the target of one such humanitarian aid mission.

But even here the Butler model can be validated. The first order desire of the donator is to avoid anxiety feelings generated by a cognitive dissonance. In the process of socialization we are all exposed to altruistic messages. They are internalized by us (some even to the extent of forming part of the almighty superego, the conscience). In parallel, we assimilate the punishment inflicted upon members of society who are not “social” enough, unwilling to contribute beyond that which is required to satisfy their self interest, selfish or egoistic, non-conformist, “too″ individualistic, “too″ idiosyncratic or eccentric, etc. Completely not being altruistic is “bad″ and as such calls for “punishment”. This no longer is an outside judgement, on a case by case basis, with the penalty inflicted by an external moral authority. This comes from the inside: the opprobrium and reproach, the guilt, the punishment (read Kafka). Such impending punishment generates anxiety whenever the person judges himself not to have been altruistically “sufficient”. It is to avoid this anxiety or to quell it that a person engages in altruistic acts, the result of his social conditioning. To use the Butler scheme: the first-degree desire is to avoid the agonies of cognitive dissonance and the resulting anxiety. This can be achieved by committing acts of altruism. The second-degree desire is the self-interest to commit altruistic acts in order to satisfy the first-degree desire. No one engages in contributing to the poor because he wants them to be less poor or in famine relief because he does not want others to starve. People do these apparently selfless activities because they do not want to experience that tormenting inner voice and to suffer the acute anxiety, which accompanies it. Altruism is the name that we give to successful indoctrination. The stronger the process of socialization, the stricter the education, the more severely brought up the individual, the grimmer and more constraining his superego – the more of an altruist he is likely to be. Independent people who really feel comfortable with their selves are less likely to exhibit these behaviours.

This is the self-interest of society: altruism enhances the overall level of welfare. It redistributes resources more equitably, it tackles market failures more or less efficiently (progressive tax systems are altruistic), it reduces social pressures and stabilizes both individuals and society. Clearly, the self-interest of society is to make its members limit the pursuit of their own self-interest? There are many opinions and theories. They can be grouped into:

Those who see an inverse relation between the two: the more satisfied the self interests of the individuals comprising a society – the worse off that society will end up. What is meant by “better off” is a different issue but at least the commonsense, intuitive, meaning is clear and begs no explanation. Many religions and strands of moral absolutism espouse this view.

Those who believe that the more satisfied the self-interests of the individuals comprising a society – the better off this society will end up. These are the “hidden hand” theories. Individuals, which strive merely to maximize their utility, their happiness, their returns (profits) – find themselves inadvertently engaged in a colossal endeavour to better their society. This is mostly achieved through the dual mechanisms of market and price. Adam Smith is an example (and other schools of the dismal science).

Those who believe that a delicate balance must exist between the two types of self-interest: the private and the public. While most individuals will be unable to obtain the full satisfaction of their self-interest – it is still conceivable that they will attain most of it. On the other hand, society must not fully tread on individuals′ rights to self-fulfilment, wealth accumulation and the pursuit of happiness. So, it must accept less than maximum satisfaction of its self-interest. The optimal mix exists and is, probably, of the minimax type. This is not a zero sum game and society and the individuals comprising it can maximize their worst outcomes.

The French have a saying: “Good bookkeeping – makes for a good friendship”. Self-interest, altruism and the interest of society at large are not necessarily incompatible.

About The Author

Sam Vaknin is the author of “Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited” and the editor of mental health categories in The Open Directory, Suite101, and searcheurope.com.

His web site: samvak.tripod.com″ target-new> samvak.tripod.com samvak.tripod.com

Frequently asked questions regarding narcissism: samvak.tripod.com/faq1.html” target=”_new samvak.tripod.com/faq1.html

Narcissistic Personality Disorder on Suite101: suite101.com/welcome.cfm/npd” target=”_new suite101.com/welcome.cfm/npd

Sign of a cheating mate…

Is my partner having an affair?

There you are, all street-smart and savvy. You’re always
alert and on guard for danger while out, for safety’s sake.
Where do you let your guard down? At home.

Most people with a significant other claim that their mate
would never cheat on them. But the sad truth is that
infidelity DOES occur, only too often, by both men and
women. So you need to stay alert and street-wise in your
emotional world, too.

We hope that you have nothing to worry about. But, if you
have some doubts, just a gut feeling that things don’t “feel
right”, then it’s time to stop and take stock of the
situation. Don’t bury your head in the sand. Look for these
cardinal red flags:

Sign of a cheating mate:

* Changes in sexual conduct:

–Less desire for sex with you (they are getting it elsewhere)

–Suddenly more adventurous with sex, new positions or unusual requests (learned elsewhere)

Sign of a cheating mate:

* Changes in attitude:

–More attentive, nicer to you than usual, gifts, etc. (guilt; divert suspicion usually early in an affair)

–Gradually starts finding more faults in you; is more critical; overall change in attitude (justify the cheating in their mind; usually later in the affair)

–Loses interest in the homestead; no longer as attentive to home repairs, lawn, spends less time with the kids (preoccupied)

–Accuses YOU of cheating (to divert suspicion)

Sign of a cheating mate:

* Changes in grooming habits:

–Suddenly starts taking more care with her appearance; new clothes, new cologne, makeup style, new hair style (impress the new lover)

–Frequent bathing, takes a shower as soon as she gets home (destroy the evidence)

Sign of a cheating mate:

* Telltale physical signs:

–Smell of perfume on clothing; long blond hairs when you’re a short, curly brunette lipstick on the collar (classic)

–Strange receipts, unexplained credit card bills, phone numbers, condoms or birth control devices you two don’t use (uh-oh)

Sign of a cheating mate:

* Red Flag activity:

–”I gotta work late again”

–Mysterious phone calls, he hangs up phone when you enter the room, whispering on the phone, abrupt “hang-ups″ when YOU answer the phone

–Gets angry, defensive, or secretive when you look at his cell phone or computer

–You catch her staring off into space with a smile on her face, a new and unexplained “glow” or excitement about them (infatuated)

Use your common sense with this. He may have a temporarily
decreased sex drive due to illness or work stresses. She may
change the hairstyle just because she needs a change. That
“hang-up” may just be an impatient telemarketer.

Use this list of factors “in context″. You will probably
find something here that she does on occasion. The key is:
Is it new and unexpected behavior? Is it just a one-time
occurrence, or are new patterns emerging? Are you finding
more than a couple red flags?

If you’ve run through our check list here, and find no
evidence of these strange behaviors, then relax, you′re
probably safe. Enjoy the relationship. But if your
investigation has given you more cause for alarm, it’s time
to take a more proactive approach to the situation.

WARNING: DO NOT CONFRONT OR ACCUSE YOUR LOVER YET!!!

Sign of a cheating mate…

Okay, you’ve thought this over, and it looks suspiciously
like he or she may really be having an affair. In your anger
and hurt, you may be tempted to lash out, confront, and
accuse the dirty dog! That’s the worst thing you could do at
this point, and here’s why:

* You have no evidence. If you have no proof, the offending
party can deny it all, and may be pretty convincing, to
boot. Where does that leave you? With lots of doubts and no
answers.

* He has been alerted. If indeed, he is cheating, he will be
much more careful now. He will clean up his act, and may
even end the affair for now. You may never get to the truth.

* You might be wrong! If you accuse her of infidelity
without any proof, and she’s really innocent, you can do
serious damage to the relationship. The trust will be
broken, both ways. And broken trust is almost impossible to
restore.

What you need now is proof. Normally, we advocate strict
respect for the privacy of your mate. This means no snooping
in their personal affairs, emails, pockets, snail mail, or
voice messages. If you have no reason to suspect, then back
off, and show this basic respect.

But, if things have gotten to the point where you are pretty
sure he is having an affair, nothing is to be gained by
turning your back on the situation. You’ll just be
suspicious and miserable. And that is no way to deal with
the situation. You must find out the truth, for peace of
mind and the future of the relationship. Privacy rules no
longer apply! Time to dig deeper…

You are now an amateur detective. Keep strict track of your
mate’s activities for the next 2 to 3 weeks. Get a calendar
book to record everything.

Out On the Prowl:

Record the mileage on his car and compare it to where he
says he went. How far is work? Find out. Record the time he
leaves for work, and the time he returns. Is he working
late? Check his paycheck stubs to see if the OT is in there.
You recorded his work hours, remember?

Cell Phone Use:

Most cheaters use a cell phone to keep contact with their
lovers. Get the bill, which details all the calls. Is there
a strange number that is called frequently? Do a “reverse
cell phone number lookup” online on that number. If there’s
a small fee, pay it. Match up the times called to that
number. A good place to start is the first call made when he
first leaves for work and the same number called again right
before he comes home.

Money:

They have to pay to play. Look for evidence of increased
spending; check stubs, bank statements, credit card bills,
motel, restaurant and gift receipts.

Snooping:

Now is the time to do a thorough search for clues. Look in
her wallet, purse, glove compartment, and briefcase. If you
can, look at her emails. Get a hold of her cell phone and
check out her contacts list. Nothing is sacred now. Once
again, the ONLY time we advocate this is when you are trying
to get to the truth, and save your relationship.

Came up empty handed? Still have strong suspicions? Not sure
enough to just let it go? Then get professional help. Fork
over the bucks to have a private investigator do
surveillance on your partner. They are in the yellow pages
under “Detective Agencies” or “Private Investigator”. You
might not like what you discover, but the money spent will
be well worth the peace of mind. A quality relationship can
not thrive under a cloud of suspicion and mistrust.

We wish you the best of luck with this, and hope things come
up smelling roses for you two! But realistically, this is
such a pervasive problem that we felt this little “heads up″
article may well hit home and be most useful for some of
you.

Stella Larue is the “gangleader″ of a small group of women who have put together an innovative and interesting website, findlove-keeplove.com findlove-keeplove.com
This site provides a plan– and supplies all the tools, free of charge– to help you find true love and keep it safe forever!

At this competitive time in our lives, when the demographics are skewed towards women living a very long life, with an acute shortage of men in the later years, it might look as though eligible partners are thin on the ground. But it really depends on where you look for your ideal mate. There is more than one partner for each of us, if we are willing to change our attitude, to let people reveal themselves to us and are less prescriptive in what we want.
If we are only interested in blondes, we immediately rule out women of all other hair colours who may carry the same characteristics as blondes, yet who might need nothing more than a colouring shampoo to complete the picture!

We will always have types of people we prefer, but the more limited the parameters, the narrower the choice and the more difficult these people are to discover. Finding romance is no different from any other aspect of our life. We have to take the responsibility for making it happen, alongside realistic expectations. We are all after ‘perfection’ in our partners, in some form or other, always forgetting that we are far from perfect to the other party and so any perfect match will be difficult to attain.

Nevertheless, to make a start on that ideal relationship, you must develop a plan of action. Sitting at home waiting for the person to come to you will yield nothing because they do not know where you live! And you might be dead set against any ‘commitment’ too. This word ‘commitment’, by the way, seems to strike fear in the hearts of men, in particular, and prevent many relationships. As one psychologist said, “Many folks are very sincere about their desires to be involved with another person, but are not committed to making it happen. Sincerity is an attitude, while commitment is an action. Sincerity without action does not make anything happen.” Yes, indeed. But with commitment coming toward the top of the desired list of all marriage qualities, it demonstrates beyond a doubt that one cannot have a successful relationship without some form of commitment.

Make Space in Your Home for Partner

Some people also believe that luck and romance go together. They just have to sit tight in their living rooms and their knight in shining armour will ride by and sweep them up side-saddle. But the right person for us is hardly connected with luck, a concept which merely maintains the illusion that we have no power to affect our fate; that we are helpless bystanders in the game of life. Being attracted to people on a PIE level (physical, intellectual and emotional) means that luck plays little part in it. We would expect to feel the first stirrings of love when we meet this person who strongly matches our PIE requirements. People who search for a partner while they hope for the best, without any real conviction regarding their own personal appeal, have little chance of winning because it is they who have to set the pace and the course for success.

On the practical side, Feng Shui experts advise that, if you want to attract a new romantic partner – or to move a casual relationship closer to commitment – make sure there is space for that person in your home, especially in the bedroom. Look at your wardrobes, shelves and dressing tables. If they are all filled to capacity with your own stuff, clearing some room for your current or future partner needs to be made a priority. One expert advises, “Aim to free up 25 per cent of the space in your bedroom for someone else’s things. When you are finished, take a moment to visualise your loved one’s belongings finding a home there.”

Additionally, remove old relationship energy. Go through your home – especially your bedroom – and remove anything that reminds you of past failed relationships. This could be an ex-boyfriend’s old sweater, photographs of you with a previous partner, a gift that reminds you (unfavourably) of a giver with whom you are no longer in love – anything that reminds you of a love that went badly. You are advised, “No matter how incurable a romantic you may be, do not keep old love letters anywhere in your bedroom, unless they are from someone with whom you are still blissfully paired up.”

ELAINE SIHERA (Ms Cyprah - myspace.com/elaineone myspace.com/elaineone and elainesihera.co.uk elainesihera.co.uk) is an expert author, public speaker, media contributor and columnist. The first Black graduate of the OU and a post-graduate of Cambridge University. Elaine is a CONFIDENCE guru and a consultant for Diversity Management, Personal Empowerment and Relationships. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully; 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate!; Money, Sex & Compromise and Managing the Diversity Maze, among others (available on amazon.co.uk amazon.co.uk as well as her personal website). Also the founder of the British Diversity Awards and the Windrush Men and Women of the Year Achievement Awards. She describes herself as, “Fit, Fabulous, Over-fifty and Ready to Fly!”