Undying Love

You’ve probably gone over the personals section of your newspaper before now. There are literally hundreds of personals in there and online as well. Searching the online dating services can get pretty boring when you see the same headlines for profiles all the time. You know the ones-”Single guy likes walks on the beach”-yeah, who doesn’t, right?

Here’s how to make your personal profile pop. When you post it online through your favorite adult online dating service, get ready to find the replies rolling in on your email every day…

The first part of your online dating profile that’s seen will be your headliner. A headliner is a one sentence introduction to yourself, and should stand out farther than the rest of your profile put together. This is the first place that you need to get creative. So you need to ask yourself but one question: what about me is unique? This isn’t the place for false modesty, nor is it the time to allow your glaring low self esteem shine through.

If you truly can’t think of anything unique about yourself, ask some one who knows you. Have you done something lately that you’ve never done before? Try “First time bungee jumper seeks partner for next fall.” Are you a regular bungee jumper? “Seasonal bungee jumper seeks partner for next fall” would be good. Get creative, but walk the fine line between weird and interesting.

Now set that aside and take out a piece of paper. Write down everything about yourself that you can think of that you would want a potential mate to know. Notice here the operative word is potential. Do not write about your innermost workings, save that for later. Right now you just want the other members of your online dating service to become interested in you. Make your online profile interesting, short, and to the point. Do not whine about your past loves lost, or speculate on how someone as great as you cloud ever be dumped. Now is the time to get real, do you really want any kind of relationship that started out with lies?

Two last words on creating your personal online dating profile: spell check.

Erick Shipmon has been an online marketer since 1997. He currently is the President and CEO of eDatingPlanet.com eDatingPlanet.com which is quickly becoming the hottest and most desirable

Let’s get this clear: just because a woman is kissing us and making out with us, does NOT mean she is sufficiently turned on or ready, in her own mind.

In fact, I have learned that many women need alternating periods of being heated up, then cooled down, then heated up even more strongly, when it comes to getting physical.

In hypnosis, we call this fractionation. Simply put, you put someone in a trance, then take them out again. When you put them back in, they go back in deeper than the previous time. Each time you take them out of the trance it builds potential to have a stronger trance response when you put them back in.

I think many, if not MOST women, are this way, with being physically turned on. If you make out with them, raise them to a plateau of excitement, then slow down and back up a bit, they will be FAR more receptive when you turn the heat back on.

So usually, when you start making out with a woman, it’s actually a good idea to get her sizzling for about ten minutes, then drop back down a level. If you are at a third base, back off to light kissing. Even take a break, go to the bathroom, and come back. Or move her to a different part of the house, and then resume.

We men are like rockets with our excitement: we take off straight up. Women respond better with zigs and zags.

The bottom line is, you need to mentally rehearse success! Literally act out what you will say and do in response to a woman really wanting you, indeed insisting on having you.

Now, another issue is that sometimes women who are turned on and do want you will suddenly pull up short and have some last minute resistance to doing the grown-up.

We’ll explore THAT one in the next issue.

speedseductions.blogspot.com/2007/05/when-to-be-sexually-aggressive-with.html speedseductions.blogspot.com/2007/05/when-to-be-sexually-aggressive-with.html

Peace and Piece,

Ross Jeffries

There’s no way to absolutely guarantee that your marriage won’t be blindsided by an affair on your part or your spouse’s, but there are definite steps you can take to greatly reduce the probability of that happening.

It’s important to know what you can do to strengthen your marital connection and keep your marriage vibrant and healthy. A rewarding, satisfying marriage that meets the needs of both partners is your best protection against the destructive intrusion of an affair.

So what can you do to “affair proof” your marriage as much as possible? The following twelve steps will guide you in building a stronger marriage partnership and help you and your spouse to withstand the lusty lure of temptation:

1. Make your relationship with your spouse your top priority in the hierarchy involving family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and others.

Make a real commitment of time, energy, and effort to your marriage. You can end up pulled in so many different directions and over-extended that your most valuable and precious relationship can end up at the bottom of the list unless you make it a top priority.

2. Nurture the emotional intimacy in your marriage.

Make time to talk each day, not just about the events that have happened, but also about your feelings. Share on an emotional level—your fears, your frustrations, your joys, your disappointments, and your challenges. Let your partner know how much you value being able to talk to him or her about anything and to connect on a deep level.

3. Show appreciation on a regular basis.

Be generous with compliments and thank you’s. Tell your spouse at least once a week how much you appreciate him or her and list the qualities that you love, admire, and respect. Don’t worry that you’ve said these things before—no one gets tired of hearing their good traits praised!

4. Spend time together doing fun things and just “hanging out.”

Bonding can deepen when you and your spouse have unstructured time to just relax and hang out together. If every minute of your time together is tightly scheduled and rushed, you’ll miss out on opportunities to be spontaneous. Look for fun things to do—a picnic in the park, a hike, trying a new restaurant, going out dancing, or going swimming.

5. Keep your sex life active.

Sometimes being sick or fatigued gets in the way of sexual desire, as does family stress like caring for an ill or aging parent. Certainly the energy and time required to raise children can leave parents drained and “on empty.”
In spite of these challenges, it’s essential to make time for sex. The sobering reality is that most spouses are more vulnerable to flirtations and sexual advances from others when their sex life is unhappy at home.

6. Discuss and resolve issues as they come up.

Don’t just bury them or neglect trying to resolve them. Learn how to disagree without being disagreeable and causing long-term damage to your relationship. Above all—communicate, communicate, communicate. Keep the communication door wide open at all times.

7. Talk about the problem of infidelity and know that it can strike any marriage.

Bring the subject out into the open and express your feelings and deepest fears. Brainstorm with your spouse about how you can keep your marriage strong and what the two of you think would be helpful in preventing an affair from happening. Commit to telling your spouse if you feel vulnerable or if things start getting out of control in any situation.

8. Share goals for the present and future that inspire you.

When you and your spouse share common goals that you’re passionate about, you will feel closer to each other and more connected. It helps you to feel like a real team. The feeling of partnership is important in deepening commitment to each other. Whatever your mutual dream is, the passion you bring to pursuing it can draw you closer together.

9. Make wise decisions about contact with the opposite sex at work and other settings.

You may encounter special situations and temptations on business trips or at business parties or in your work setting. Talk frankly with your spouse and agree on what you both feel comfortable with. If your spouse is on a business trip and the group goes out dancing, will you be upset if your spouse participates? Plan ahead and head off potential problems.

10. Know the danger signals.

Many affairs have started with individuals sharing intimate personal information with each other on a regular basis while not confiding in their respective spouses. Intimacy can mushroom quickly when secrecy is involved and a feeling of connection develops. Other danger signals are having increased sexual excitement about seeing someone in particular, being in settings with lots of alcohol and drinking when your spouse isn’t present, and being more vulnerable than usual due to feelings of loneliness, rejection, or anger at your spouse.

11. Celebrate your love, anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.

Value your marriage and take advantage of every opportunity to celebrate, such as your wedding anniversary, the date that you met, your spouse’s birthday, and any other special days that the two of you share. This helps to keep the romance alive and also to keep your connection strong. Celebrate your love, your time together, your plans for the future, and the priceless present moment.

12. Support each other’s goals.

Make a commitment to help your spouse be all that he or she is capable of being. Your marriage is only strengthened when each of you is happy and fulfilled with your life. It’s to your advantage to help your spouse reach goals that are important to him or her, even if they aren’t your particular goals. Be positive and encouraging of your spouse’s desires to live up to his or her potential.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says “I don’t love you anymore!” This is available at KeepYourMarriage.com KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.

“Nag, nag, nag.” - Clint Eastwood

It’s common knowledge that no one likes to be nagged.

But did you know that nagging is really no fun either?

This surprises most people. The spouse that is nagged thinks thinks the nagger stays up late planning ways to nag the next day. The teenager thinks the parents get together and create new ways and subjects on which to nag.

The whole cycle and pattern of nagging is painful for both people. It’s painful for both is because nagging always results in distance between two people.

How to stop the nagging pattern

I’ve rarely seen a situation where one person was being accused of nagging where the other person was not being irresponsible in some way.

Nagging is no fun, for the nag-ee or for the nag-er. It takes two people working together to stop the pattern, one to be responsible, and then one to not nag.

If you are being nagged, then you need to check out and see if there are areas in which you are being irresponsible in some way.

Find the area, clean it up, and there will be no need for nagging.

After the nag-ger gets off the floor from falling over in shock, it may take a bit before they get it that they no longer have to nag. Give it a bit a time, the nagging will end.

Visit secretsofgreatrelationships.com SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e secretsofgreatrelationships.com/eprogram.htm 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

So, why are you not with your soulmate? What’s keeping you and your ideal partner apart? Is it because finding and connecting with your soulmate is hard? No, I really don’t think so. In fact, meeting your ideal partner is not at all difficult.

Many people came to me and say, “Joanne, I’ve done the inner and outer work that you suggested in your book, A Matter of Destiny, so why haven’t I met my soulmate yet?” Unfortunately, it’s hard to say when your beloved will be given to you, as the timing is out of our hands. The sooner you accept this, the easier life will be for you. We must allow the universe to unfold in its own time.

There are many possible reasons why you have not yet reunited your destined love. Before you can connect with your true love, you must first identify and let go of any beliefs that may be sabotaging your efforts. Here are some reasons for the wait:

· Unfinished business with someone else (this is a big one)

· Lack of confidence and self-love

· Fear of getting what you really want

· Karma (a spiritual debt may need to be balanced)

· Commitment issues

· Capacity to love

· Control issues

· Old emotional wounds

As you can see from this list, the only thing stopping you from connecting with your loved one is you.

You can, however, speed things along by working on yourself and dealing with some of the issues that may be keeping you apart. Of course, the more quickly you do your inner work and develop the qualities you want in your mate, the sooner you will connect. Those who are comfortable in their own skins are ready to connect with their beloved.

Quality love comes when we least expect it and when we are emotionally ready for it. While you may meet your soulmate before you are completely ready, the chances that the two of you will connect at this time are slim. Here is a little scenario to demonstrate this point:

You get a last minute invitation to a party. You have had a hard day at work and are tempted to decline, but change your mind at the last minute. A few minutes after you arrive, you notice a handsome man across the room. You lock eyes and smile at each other, but much to your disappointment he is with someone. As time goes on you often think about that handsome stranger. Approximately one year later you meet him at a work-related seminar, only now he is no longer in a relationship. He asks you out and the rest, as they say, is history.

Why do you think you had to wait a year after your first meeting to connect with your soulmate? Because when you first met, he had unfinished business with someone else, and you probably had a few issues you needed to work on as well.

When looking for the right love, patience is definitely called for. Trust and know in your heart of hearts that a wonderful love will be given to you when the time is right for both of you. You could be oceans apart, but somehow, somewhere you will find a way to connect. Have faith, and faith will deliver your soulmate. Your meeting is a matter of destiny.

Now that you have a better understanding of what it takes to connect with your soulmate, I hope you will have the patience to wait for your true love.

All the best,

Joanne B. Parrotta

Author of A Matter of Destiny

Settling For Second Best is Never An Option!

Motivational writer Joanne B. Parrotta is the author of “A Matter of Destiny: How to Find and Marry Your Soulmate: A Beginner’s Spiritual Guide (BookSurge Publishing, an amazon.com company, 2006).” To learn more about this fascinating subject and to sign up for you’re FREE instantly down loadable soulmate report, visit her website at: amatterofdestiny.com amatterofdestiny.com

The dictionary defines infidelity as “unfaithfulness to a sexual partner”. Let’s go over what is and isn’t cheating:

1. Kissing another guy/girl

YES: Unless the kiss is just a quick peck on the cheek or lips.

2. Hugging another guy/girl

NO: Unless the hug is long and lingering and you’re staring into each other’s eyes.

3. Making out with another guy/girl

YES: It’s safe to say, if you’re breathing speeds up, you’re probably cheating.

4. Telling another guy/girl you love them.

YES: Unless it’s a friendly “I love you”- the kind people usually say at the end of a phone conversation.

5. Flirting with another guy/girl

NO: This can certainly be annoying if your partner is doing it, but it can’t be considered cheating.

6. Chatting on the internet with a stranger

YES: Many relationships are breaking up these days because of people spending time online for hours with someone they haven’t even met. If you have that much time to spare, you should be spending it with your real, live partner.

I think the best way to decide whether something you’re about to do or have already done would be considered cheating is to ask yourself this: Would I behave in this way if my partner were standing next to me and could observe everything that happened? You have your answer.

Now, if you just found out you’ve been cheated on, what should you do? Finding out someone you trusted and believed in has lied can be devastating. Statistics show that women are more likely to forgive an indiscretion than men. That’s unfortunate, because if someone cheats once, chances are, they’ll do it again.

I’d like to look at infidelity in a whole new light. I actually think if you’ve found out your partner has been unfaithful, this is actually a good thing. Why? Because now you know who you’re dealing with. My take on relationships is this: We’ve all cheated and we’ve all been cheated on. At some point, after several relationships that don’t work out, you realize how difficult it is to find someone you really click with. Once you understand this, your outlook on relationships is: When I finally find someone that I think is “the one” and they feel the same, I’m not going to do anything to mess that up. It’s not worth losing someone special, for a night of pleasure with someone else. This is the attitude of someone that’s ready for a commitment. If you find out your partner has cheated, then, in most cases, that’s not his/her attitude, because he/she was willing to risk losing you.

This is why you should look at infidelity as a good thing. You now know you and your partner are not on the same page. Instead of wasting months, maybe years, with someone that isn’t right for you, you’re free to look for someone that is right! Finding out about an infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of the world. It can actually be the beginning of a whole new life.

Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, columnist, lecturer and host of the TV Show “The Art of Love″.

With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice – after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.

For more information go to: lessonsoflove.net lessonsoflove.net

Leave behind all the stereotypes. Read the story of Tim with his own words.

I was inspired to share my perspective on relationships with an Asian girls after reading about intense desire of Western men to marry Asian girls, or more specifically a Japanese girl.

When a person searches for true love, they must not have any assumptions. If you desire the pure love of an Asian girl, then you must also throw away all stereotypes that you may have about Asian girls - that they are submissive, docile, naive, too eager to please, and whatever else.

Since love is never expressed in a cookie-cut design, remember that your true love, the Asian girl of your dreams, who will rescue you from this abominable and inescapable trap of single white females, will perhaps be un-accepting of your previous judgments and stereotypes you have come to know and believe.

Just so I am perfectly clear, I have dated American women, and they are wonderful human beings for whom I have no ill feelings whatsoever.

That previous statement about the trap of single white females was merely an exaggeration of the impression I received from your comments on American females.

As I was taught, assumptions and stereotypes can destroy a relationship and sometimes prevent them before they even begin. I learned it was not fair for me to say that every Asian girl I date will be exactly as the first love in my life, who was indeed Asian.

Perhaps I am speaking of things you have already come to understand, and I have no intentions of insulting your intelligence, or that any American females either.

True love comes with complete honesty and open heart. And the only word of advice which I still have failed to completely grasp is that any woman - Asian, American, Latvian, etc.,
hates to hear about your past relationships.

Women in general never like it when you bring up an ex. In rare cases, a few may accept it as an opening up. Yeah, I know what I just said may sound like a generalization, but wouldn’t you also dislike hearing about a girl’s ex-boyfriend(s)? Maybe not, but…that goes without saying…don’t generalize either.

In no way am I the perfect male. I do my best to reveal who I am and being honest with the one I love, and at the same time, be honest with myself. You are well on the path of finding and understanding true love.

I commend you greatly for writing your experiences as you have. It relates to many, many, many men out there who do not have the courage to come out and have their own life written out on a website such as yourself.

I happen to be one of those men. I wish you the best of luck in find your true love. Never let anyone change your opinion or preferences and ideas on what you know will make your life complete. Always follow your heart as you have been.

I too am a fellow lover of Asian culture, cuisine, and most importantly, the miracle of God’s most precious creation - Asian Girls.

Dao Jones, the founder of

Newsflash-guys love sex. Really shocking right. Well pleasing your man can make you and him much happier. Since this is such an important aspect to a relationship for your man, it is important that you know how to please him.

Now this is also for your own selfish reasons. A guy that is getting incredible sex from his woman is less likely to cheat. Also, he is going to be more willing to return the favor in and out of bed. Sex is just not as important for most women. But if he is being pleased, he is going to be more attentive to what is important.

Let me just say that great sex by itself will not keep a man from cheating. I do not want any woman to feel guilt about some jerk cheating on them. All I am saying is that it lessens the chances of that happening. Many guys have stayed in relationships because the sex was so good.

Here are the ways to please your man:

1. Masturbate. Guys are very visual. The site of a woman pleasing herself is a big turn on. This is not only good for him, but it is also good for you. This will hopefully lessen the time it takes for you to have an orgasm. Then just when you are about to have an orgasm, let him finish it for you. Both you and he will be happy.

2. Become Easily Orgasmic. Believe it or not ladies, the good guys really care about you have an orgasm. They want to you enjoy the experience as much as they do. The problem is that some times it can take so long that it ruins the mood.

This goes back to #1. If you know what pleases you, and if you are getting warmed up, then your orgasm will come a lot easier. To have to work an hour or more will just frustrate you and him. Find out what you like and show him. He will be happy to help.

3. Oral Sex. Wow, another newsflash. If this is something you do not like to do, that is fine. Just realize that most guys love it. If you can find a way to move past your issues with this your man will love you for it.

You should not be forced or encourage to do anything that will make you feel degraded, but the reality is oral sex is a major turn on for a guy. Not just the physical sensation, but the visual will stay with him a long time. There is still one thing that a woman did that gives me flashbacks years later. Uh, let us move on.

4. Find your own G Spot and then show him. Sure it would be nice if he took the initiative and looked for it, but you know most guys. Do you think that will happen? Good luck. Besides if he did, do you really want him playing around with your body off of some article he found on the internet?

No save him the time and you the aggravation and find it for him. That way it will be more pleasurable for both of you. Now you can spend your time pleasing and be pleased instead of trying to play anatomy.

5. Fake It. That is right. Most men really want their women to have an orgasm. Not only because it pleases the woman, but because it strokes the guys ego. Now you do not have to put on some performance from a porn movie, but just a nice orgasm is fine.

This benefits you also. You can avoid the frustration of having to wait. The guy is more likely to want to please you because he knows this want be a job. It also saves you time because then you can go do something you would rather be doing.

Hopefully this will help you and your man have a happy and steamier sex life. Turn up the heat in the bedroom and watch him turn up the heat everywhere else.

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The techniques of the sex act along with the better orgasm, are as basic to the human race as food, and yet most societies do not discuss them or give training to the next generation in any aspects of them.
Did you receive any training?

I have met mothers with several children, who were still completely ignorant regarding, their own sexual capabilities, sex and their partner’s sexual requirements.
Are you one?

There are many many women along with teenagers, with no knowledge of their own or their partners bodies, or orgasmic abilities.
Are you one?

I have met men that could not tell you, where the clitoris is, and certainly could not explain how to bring a partner to repeated orgasms using breast or clitoris stimulation or even find any orgasm spots.
Are you one?

In polls 90% of the adult population said that sex was the single most important thing in a partnership, yet the same polls ahow 70% of females do not orgasm during intercourse.
Are you a woman in such a relationship?
Are you the male in such a relationship?

Many men suffer from premature ejaculation or not being able to climax, through lack of knowledge, skill and or technique.
Are you one?

Many partnerships are a disaster sexually (although the partners do not speak about it) sex has become a chore and a bore.
Are you in such a partnership?

Twin Research Unit. Thomas Hospital London. (4037 Women aged 19 to 83) Published in national press 08 June 2005.

32% never experienced an orgasm during intercourse. 3 out of 10.

21% never experienced an orgasm during masturbation. 2 out of 10.

14% experienced a climax every time they had sex. 1 out of 10.

These figures have been rounded to the nearest whole number.

The report quoted

“However, difficulty in reaching orgasm may not be a defect, as there is a theory that women who rarely climax may have a more refined inbuilt selection tool. Only men who are most skilled in the art of sex, physically attractive or psychologically compatible will be able to make them climax.”

Average time for men to climax = 2.5 Minutes.

Average time for females to climax = 12 Minutes.

Buy now Sex and the Better Orgasm and read,
so enabling you to demonstate that as a partner you are attractive, psychologically compatible and possess the necessary skills to ensure full sexual fulfilment is attained by both partners.

A lot of our members have requested some guidance on how to answer this question, because it’s a question that a great many women struggle to answer with conviction.

Of course, there is no infallible litmus test. How boring life would be if there were! So this article is not intended to give you any sort of checklist that leads you to an easy answer. I′ll leave such contrivances to the teenage magazines.

What I aim to do is provide you with some food-for-thought that will help you, if you are at all unsure, to make up your mind about what love means to you, and whether you are in love or not. And, even if you already know that you are in love, I′ll try to provide some guidance and support if you want to make your love-life more meaningful and rewarding.

Quite possibly, love is one of the most over-used and abused words in the English language. In spite of the considerable efforts of our most accomplished poets and writers to capture the beauty of the word, its high currency is commonly devalued to the point of worthlessness. Here in England, for example, you can find yourself addressed as “Love” or “My love” by a shop assistant who has never before laid eyes upon you as you make a trivial purchase at a store.

In part, I think this devaluation is because we tend not to distinguish very well between different types of love, even though making a distinction can be very useful indeed.

I remember that someone once told me that Eskimos have 20 different words for snow, whereas we - even in England where we talk about the weather all of the time - have only one. I don’t know whether that information is true, but it makes sense to me because it must surely be useful for Eskimos to be able to communicate with precision about something that affects their daily lives so significantly. After all, a sentence like “that dry fluffy type of snow that makes hardly a sound until your foot has sunk into it to a depth of about 8cm at which point you hear a slight double-crunching noise″ would become a bit tedious after a while!

But I’m not going to propose that we invent new words for the different types of love: I’m hoping that we can make do with four simple qualifiers that make the important

distinctions very clear. I’ll tell you what they are, and then I’ll show you how useful they can be.

Four types of love:

Childish Love

Parental Love

Infatuated

In Love

And it’s no coincidence that you can HAVE the first two types of love, but you can only BE the third and fourth.

I’m not going to waste time talking about how a parent displays or feels love for a child or vice versa because I’ve never known a woman who doesn’t instinctively understand the basic notion of a beautiful child/parent relationship. This article is primarily about adult-to-adult relationships where sexual interactions may occur, in other words relationships where “couples” have strong feelings for one another. But you will see in a moment that ALL FOUR types of love are relevant within exactly that adult-to-adult scope.

Most couples, when asked, would say that they love each other. At least, they would say that to you and, at least initially, they would say that to me.
But, if you probe with a little more subtlety, and a bit more persistently, you will often unearth buckets of frustration, resentment, mistrust, insecurity, jealousy, and sometimes fear.

“I wish he wouldn’t notice other women.”

“I wish I knew what he was thinking.”

“I don′t know how long this is going to last.”

“I wish she was different.”

“He scares me when he’s been out drinking.”

None of these buckets fit well within the concept of love that all those poets have attempted to capture on paper for us aspire to.
When a woman says “Of course I love him - he’s my husband!”, what does she mean? Would a person who was really “in love” ever say such a thing?

You will have your own answers to those questions, but here’s a clue to why our four distinctions can prove to be so useful.
Suppose a woman said “Of course I love him - he’s my son!”
Do you see a very significant difference? Most women absorb an uncritical, unconditional responsibility to “love” their children from the moment of their birth. (Post-natal depression issues aside, because it’s a whole different subject and not relevant for our purposes today.)

Now, I’m not denying for a moment that there are some women who accept a similar responsibility for their husbands once the bond of marriage is in place, but I can’t think of many poets who have burned the midnight oil in capturing the emotions they are feeling at the time.

Let’s take a closer look at what we might call “childish love”.
Childish love
I put it to you that each of these words or phrases would be far more acceptable in describing a child than used within the context of an adult-to-adult bond.

Needy, selfish, dependent, immature, demanding, irresponsible, possessive and jealous, approval-seeking, moody, impulsive, scared of being alone, scared of rejection,

often testing boundaries, feeling inferior, feeling powerless, sulky, loyal, reverent.

I’m not saying that none of these words or phrases should ever apply at all in an adult relationship, but I do think it’s clear that an excess of any or several of them can be the cause of a lot of tension, anxiety, conflict, and misery. Which means that it’s worth reflecting on the nature or your relationship if you can identify with many of them in the relationship you have with your current partner.

Now let’s look at the next type of love.
Parental love
Non-sexual, very responsible, serious, dependable, predictable, mature, occasionally resentful, selfless, reliable, risk-averse, stoic, protective, authoritative, superior, judgemental - perhaps even prejudiced at times, controlling.

Again, these are warning-bells if you can see a few of them becoming the most applicable adjectives you could use to describe your adult relationship.
Now let’s deal with the third of our types of love.

Infatuated
I want to mention this almost in passing, because - delightful though it can be when you’re in it - either the bubble bursts or the infatuation evolves into some other sort of love over time. Exactly what sort of love it evolves into is of course very critical to whether you achieve the fulfilment of truly being in love.

Here are some pretty exciting words and phrases that can apply to infatuated love.
Heady, illogical, passionate, butterflies-in-the-stomach, can act in foolish ways, highly motivated to be with the object of desire, spontaneous, wild, adventurous, caring, considerate, having strong sexual attraction, blind to faults, optimistic.

Feeling infatuated is usually a call to action. If you are feeling infatuated with someone then do something about it! It’s simply not something you can ignore. So, even if you′re married and infatuated with someone else it’s important to address the situation and take action, because keeping those powerful feelings secretly bottled-up will have a very damaging effect on your relationship. I’m not saying that the right approach is always to follow your heart, because infatuations can often be based on very questionable foundations, but it is important to find a resolution somehow that leaves your integrity intact.

Infatuation is intoxicating, and it is often evocative of those dreamy days of teenage romances. But it can give you a nasty hangover too if you avoid dealing with the complications of an adult reality.

Although Albert Einstein was clearly one of the greatest minds in history, even he had to admit defeat on this point.
“How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?”

Albert Einstein

So let’s leave infatuation there, and move on to some words and phrases that are commonly applicable in the real deal.
In love
Independent, responsible, decisive, reliable, trustworthy, mature, trusting, truthful, empowered to do the right thing, vulnerable and courageous, feels free to flow with heart’s desires, both selfless and selfish, spontaneous and thoughtful, sexually motivated, caring, considerate, wild, passionate, adventurous, adorable.

These characteristics are highly desirable in adult relationships, and if you relate strongly to many of them then you’re almost certainly in a pretty good place right now.

Putting them all together
Most women, when reading through the sections above, will find that words and phrases from more than one “type” of love strike a chord with them. Although it can be very hard to admit that the dynamics of your current relationship are based on more than one type of love, the admission itself can be an enormously positive first step to migrating your relationship towards your ideal.

With this in mind, you might want to carry out a simple exercise to get some insights that will help you answer whether you are really in love or not.

How in love are you?
Look at the way I’ve described the characteristics of the different types of love we’ve considered in this article and then try to assess the proportions of each of the categories of Childish Love, Parental Love, and In Love so that you have a total of 100%. I’ve omitted Infatuated Love from this exercise because it - more than any other type of love - is likely to be a phase that matures into one of the other three. If you’re in it right now, then my guess is that you’re unlikely to be worrying too much about answering any of the questions I’ve put to you in this article!

So, for example, you might decide to put 30% in Childish Love, 50% in Parental Love, and 20% in In Love. This openness and honesty with yourself is a great starting point for improving the quality of the love that you feel and receive. We′ll take a look at just how to do that in a moment.

First, it’s important to recognise that falling in love is tricky when you don’t like yourself very much, so building and maintaining healthy levels of self-esteem is critical to the success of any adult-to-adult relationship. This self-esteem is not just about believing that you are worthy of being loved by another person, it’s also about having or developing the skills to foster good relationships. It’s only when you have the skills to do well that you can genuinely and legitimately respect yourself and your approach.

Now, let’s take a more detailed look at what to do if your “In Love” score is not as high as you would like. There are some great tips coming up that will help you to fall head-over-heels with your current partner, or someone new if that’s the right thing for you.

If you have lots of Childish Love in you:
Quite simply - try to ditch it! Your partner is NOT your parent.
If you think that you′ve been applying any Childish Love to an adult-to-adult relationship, then now’s a very good time to make a firm commitment to stop. You′re not a child anymore, and it’s time to grow up, hold your head up high, and strive to reach your full potential as a sexually mature, responsible, loving woman of worth.

If you have lots of Parental Love in you:
Channel it! You are NOT his mother, you’re his lover!
And of course the same goes if you’re in a lesbian relationship too. If you think you’ve been applying Parental Love to an adult-to-adult relationship, then you’re not

channeling your maternal instincts very effectively. If your partner is feeling vulnerable and needs support from you, then by all means give it wholeheartedly, but do

not fall into the common trap of mothering your partner by taking over responsibility for an issue that does not belong to you. Encourage your partner to step up to the

mark and behave as a sexually-mature, responsible, loving person of worth.

Again, it’s best to check which of these were specifically recommended to you based on your own results in The Ultimate Self-esteem Test.
If you have a high In Love score:
Cherish it! But NEVER try to possess it.
Remember, being in love is a beautiful thing. An awesome thing. But if you live in fear that it may disappear one day, and your fear drives you to attempt to “cage” your loved one, then your love will surely die eventually. In many ways, love is like a butterfly: fragile and beautiful when it is free to choose where to go and what to do. But placing a butterfly in a tiny cage so that you could stop it from flying away from you in order for you to enjoy it more would be a terrible thing. That butterfly’s beauty would soon be destroyed, and it would sadly die.

If your loving feelings towards your partner ever begin to fade, try to remember all those characteristics I listed in the In Love section above, and emulate them whenever you can. They will help you to do well and let your love shine out and brighten your world.

This article is copyright protected: © 2005 Ibex Management Limited
Alison Finch is the Founder and Creator of selfesteem4women.com?ad=ezart_lv Selfesteem4women.com, which has become the most popular self-esteem site for women on the Internet. Since 2004, she has reached out to over 200,000 women from over 90 countries and provided the much needed help to build their self-esteem and confidence. Her unique approach to building self-esteem is refreshingly different and has a twelve-year proven track record of success.

If you would like help to build more confidence and self-esteem then please visit the website: selfesteem4women.com?ad=ezart_lv Selfesteem4women.com, take the Ultimate Self-esteem Test now and receive a free personalized Self-esteem eReport containing recommendations and useful self-esteem building information.